Breaking the cycle

No nothing to do with pedal cycles, but breaking the cycle of my drinking. I'd spoken to one of the counsellors from the Priory who sometimes attends one of my local meetings last week and she'd pointed out that this was what I needed to do - I got into a cycle of gettnig myself into a state when the girls weren't here, then drinking - I needed to break that cycle.

I managed to do that this weekend - lots of prayers, and keeping myself busy were the keys. As a result I had a really great weekend. WE did a fair bit of socialising and Alan was considerably better than in previous weeks - basically the whole weekend was great.

The girls are due on Friday for the first weekend in the new fortnightly cycle - I'm determined to keep sober and I know that to achieve this I'm going to have to up my meetings and get in more regular contact with my sponsor - that's the goal for this week.

without a reason, what is this fire
You would think I’d never been alone in an elevator with a boy before. Me plus a sexy boy in a small, enclosed space equals seriously naughty thoughts.

I bumped into you at the elevator shortly after we’d both left our office. I made some inane comment about how I really wasn’t following you and you just smiled. You didn’t have the decency to stand facing the front of the elevator, instead you stood facing me and we just smiled a lot for no reason as we made forgettable chitchat for the few minutes it took us to go up just three floors. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear to God you were flirting with me. It was as if as soon as we stepped into that metal box, all the air got sucked out and replaced with pheromones. Did you feel that? That felt like a moment.
A moment inexplicably crackling with electricity. What the hell was that about? Not to alarm you, but had the elevator gotten stuck like it’s been know to do, I would have jumped your bones without compunction.


And we had all hoped that the barf quotient of this blog would be going down.


This could all be in my head, of course. It very probably is. “Oh, you had a moment!” “Now THAT, my friend, is a shared moment.” etc.


But seriously, and chime in here, how can you really tell the difference between electricity that results from mutual attraction and electricity that’s just a product of your own lust addled brain? Because I sure as hell can’t tell. When I was crushing on the boy so many years ago, I had absolutely no idea he was interested in me, too, hence my complete surprise when he asked me out. Further, I hadn’t had a clue that he was interested in me quite a while before that, when I was still dating someone else. We had both been in a government class the year before and I remember he always had something funny to say in greeting when he walked up to me in class and later he told me that he would spend the entire walk to class thinking of something to say to make me laugh. Who knew? So apparently my radar for this kind of thing is absolutely worthless.


I watched an old Dawson’s Creek this morning (I watch cheesy TV, so sue me). It was one of my favorite episodes – the one where Pacey and Joey are trapped at K-mart all night (Pacey and Joey 4eva!). Completely unoriginal, yes. But who wouldn’t want to be stuck overnight with Pacey/Joshua Jackson? Well, unless I’d rather be stuck overnight with Snark Boy (aka Crankypants, also CFKABE, crush formerly known as Blue Eyes. Ok, I’ll stop now). Although Target kicks K-mart’s ass all around the block. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, this:

“Is this a new development?”

“Wanting to kiss you? No, it’s sort of always there, like white noise or the Secret Service or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. It’s just something you get used to.”


This whole being a reasonable, less juvenile, less boy crazy blogger is gonna be an uphill battle, folks.


I want you
I want you,
I want you so bad
Honey, I want you

In the vast panoply of sexual imaginations, it is an object which, by its size, realism of the forms, and - for the top-of-the-range models - by texture even, seems to me stranger and worrying at the same time. I want to speak about the inflatable doll.In this case, it is not of these additives to the pleasure the such sex-toys but a complete substitute which transmutes a simple object into " anybody " with whole share.This last title acts of the completed representation a woman, the inflatable doll is capable to crystallize a form emotional investment very capably.When even I can conceive the undeniable practical advantages of them " : always available, dumb, never opposing, without states heart; able all to hear and all to undergo : in short, with the eyes of some... the perfect woman !
Consequently, where the border between imagination, phantasmagoria is and pure is delirious?
Which can a man having for partner’be psychology D such a creature ?
Can with go, for certain between them, this form addiction ?
Go, Messrs Frankenstein modern ; still a small effort, some added printed circuits and soon it will do the housework, the crockery, sharpening and, why not, will also be used as artificial belly to carry in its plasticized sides a baby test-tube !

I acknowledge to quiver while thinking of all these women with big tits who are made customised with all goes to great lengths to have injections of silicone and whose single and standardized model resembles that of the Barbie headstock…
Or when reality is started to join the fiction !

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People are speaking to me! Well, OK, most people are speaking to me... I'm assuming that it was repealed, only some folks haven't gotten the message yet. I think I will actually get an explanation on Thursday. I also wanted an apology... but there you go.Now, I'm not the type to pull people up on snide comments made when I am in earshot as I find it a bit of a waste of breath.Which is a good thing, because if I was such a person, there would be one less snide-comment-making person in the world right this minute. Still, while I'm on the topic, here is a quick recap to be passed on to the inconsiderate twat in question (as I don't think said twat actually reads this blog):Number One: The "animosity" of which you speak has very little to do with what you think it is about.Number Two: Yes, I heard your comment. And I understood the intention behind the words you practically yelled post-comment. I am not a dingbat. You, on the other hand, clearly are.Number Three: I'm assuming you have had the rudimentary basics of my 'issues' explained. The fact that you continue despite (or perhaps because of) the aforementioned issues merely tells me that you are a pathetic individual with no compassion whatsoever.Number Four: If you don't completely understand something (and you clearly don't on this point or else you wouldn't have been such an idiot), shut the hell up. You have no idea whatsoever of the events leading to my 'issues', therefore you are in no position to judge me. As I said, shut the fuck up and get out of my sight.Number Five: I don't need to be empathic to tell me who is a moronic twat and who isn't. Your actions today tell me that you fall squarely into the first category, which is a bit of a shame as I was actually starting to like you.I apologise to my readers for the use of the word 'twat', which I know is not a very nice word to say the least. Unfortunately, the actions and/or person discussed aren't too nice either, so I guess the two go together.It seems as though most of the Internet is conspiring to remind me that it is Valentine's Day in two weeks. Woohoo(!) That's exactly eight years (not that I'm counting or anything) without cards or chocolates or flowers or a cute guy giving me a neck rub.And it's another year of avoiding the shops filled with cards and flowers and disgusting teddy bears holding stuffed hearts. And another year of being forced to watch girls stuck to some guy's face, knowing that if I say anything I'll be accused of ruining their Valentine's Day.Yes, yes, relationships must be good things, right? Nothing melts the heart like young love... from the first time you start noticing the opposite sex to those first sweet kisses with someone you care about.CoughHackSplutterCough... yeah, right.